i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
