One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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