I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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