I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
