the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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