I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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