good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
