I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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