I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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