Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
