if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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