please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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