I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
