We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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