I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
