I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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