He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
