Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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