We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
