FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
