My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I touched a dick in church today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
