Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
