3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
