Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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