PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I will pee on everything he values.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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