He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
