Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
