dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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