Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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