i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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