wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
