ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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