and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I smell like Dick and happiness
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