she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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