She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
