direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
