Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
