i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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