So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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