I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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