need another drink. this is the easiest way
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
