is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
