never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
