I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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