I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
