I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
