also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
