I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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