I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
