when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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