Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
