worst night to have a conscience
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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