Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they're like a gay fantastic four
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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