i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
