Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
