I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
