Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
