WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
