woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
