he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
