Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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