i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
