yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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