Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
