How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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