u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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