the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
