is your mom at the bar?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
