Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
