2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
