i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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