so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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