he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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