she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
