Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
