fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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