Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
