I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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