he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
