ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize