I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
