4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
