I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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