You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
